Mr West, Mr East, Mr Far-East fight for Africa; it will end in tears

Monday August 21 2023

A picture illustration. PHOTO | NMG


Africa has, since independence, been like a beautiful young woman overwhelmed by the attention powerful men pay to her, oblivious to the fact that her physical beauty has to fade and, unless she nurtures other forms of beauty like material wealth and successful children, she will be discarded and ignored in a few decades.

She risks facing the same fate as her mother, who was born 60 years ago and grew up seeing two rich but vicious men competing for her.

They were Mr West and Mr East. They had their own families and were only interested in using her body for pleasure, deceiving her with counterfeit jewellery, synthetic shoes and handbags picked cheaply in the backstreet shops, where they came from.

Both powerful men, Mr East and Mr West, convinced her that pregnancy was bad for her figure and kept forcing her to take contraceptives, which she did willingly, for she did not want to be out of action for months while other girls danced and supplied pleasure to the rich men.

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So, Mama Africa avoided growing babies in her fertile womb, yet this would have obligated the powerful fathers to plan for her so as to have a good foundation with which to raise their children. The only plans they ever made with her were for partying and holidaying.


She refused to listen to the old women who couldn’t speak English or French as they tried to advise her to get children with one of the powerful men. And, as sure as night follows day, her beauty faded with the years, and she was ceased being attractive to the either Mr West or Mr East. She managed to get a child, a daughter, before menopause caught up with her, but the father was a poor, fellow African.

The daughter grew and the same powerful old men chased after her lustfully. Her ailing mother, already over 60 years old but looking 90 due to poor living conditions and a gum from which teeth have fallen, tried to warn her against Mr East and Mr West, but in vain.

Despite their advanced age, she wanted their cheap counterfeit gifts. But this time they had been joined by Mr Far-East, who is quick at giving girls cheap goodies without insisting that they dress in certain ways, use particular perfumes or hold knife and fork in certain ways – after all, he doesn’t use them either, preferring sticks that he manoeuvres with amazing dexterity. Mr Far-East, too, doesn’t want to have children with her, as he already has too many of his own.

Powerful men want to use her body without making it productive.

The competition for Ms Africa by the three has been more vicious than it was with her mother, as now they are even prepared to fight among themselves and also beat her up if need be. Several times, she listened to her mother’s reasoning and stopped swallowing the birth control pills and conceived a few times.

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But Mr West beat her up so badly she miscarried. Last time the pregnancy was so big neighbours were proudly saying she was finally going to settle, because the scan had shown she was carrying twins, a boy and a girl. She died, alongside her promising twins due to the beating.

But there is a clever girl in her neighbourhood to whom the three powerful men turned after the death of the one who was carrying twins. The rich guys learned that there is something in her genes that can make the children she produces extremely smart and able to solve the current problems that threaten their very lives. The girl is now pregnant, but she has run to the elders who are hiding her from the powerful men who want to take her away and she gives birth in their homes.

All the three are already claiming the pregnancy. But the girl swears she is not going anywhere and wants to give birth to anticipated wonder child in her village, where they can help develop her community, given the rare attributes that Mr West, Mr East and Mr Far-East have confirmed that she has, after using their advanced scientific analytical tools.

Mr West wants to pay goons in the neighbourhood to raid the elders’ compound, where she is being protected, and take her away. Mr East wants to help the elders beat off Mr West’s goons then claim her child. Meanwhile, Mr Far-East is watching with a keen eye. Nobody knows his plan, but he also says the pregnancy is his. They all want the contents of her womb.

Heaven knows where it will end.

Buwembo is a Kampala-based journalist. E-mail:[email protected]