This year, Kampala’s rich fat men have not shown their usually excessive interest in the Miss Uganda beauty pageant.

In the past, when the finalists were collected from different regions of the country and encamped in the equivalent of a traditional bride-fattening process, the city’s rich and political males followed the programme closely.

They sought to associate with the contest, giving donations to ensure it all went well and eventually being photographed in close encounters with the beauties on the final day. What didn’t get photographed was also probably interesting.

This year is different. It has been a boot camp for the beauty finalists. Instead of spending weeks under the care of armies of beauticians and grooming specialists dispensing manicures, pedicures, coiffures, make-up, massage and advice on how to dress, the beauties were shipped off to the farm to get their hands dirty for a few weeks.

And the ogling city tycoons and politicians dropped off their trail. After escaping the poverty and drudgery of the villages, the tycoons and politicians apparently did not want to be reminded of their origins. So the beauties were left in peace with agriculture experts to learn more about the country’s economic backbone.

Picture this: The 20 girls vying for the country’s beauty crown spent hours messing about with pigs; learning how to wash the grunting mammals, clean pigsties, feed the pigs and provide tender care for the piglets. Of course, the Muslims did not have to go through the practical aspects of this module. Most of the training took place at Bukalasa Agricultural College.

Away from the heavy breathing scrutiny of the city’s fun lovers and predators, the beauty queens spent their days acquiring skills such as how to prepare media for growing mushrooms.

In case you didn’t know, there is nothing glamorous about mushroom farming. It is stinky business involving making things literally rot so that the tasty fungi can grow. Before the agricultural camp, the closest most of the beauty queens had come to mushrooms was on their pizza or in the entrée soup.

The national beauties also spent days learning the different stages of poultry farming and how to maintain different types of farming implements and livestock shelters.

Another important problem of Ugandan agriculture that they delved deeply into was the managing/minimising of post-harvest losses. The girls were also introduced to fish farms and trained in soil sampling and testing. But of all the modules, what apparently was most exciting was milking cows. They lost their fear of a close encounter with the cows and learnt how to extract milk from them.

That is how the 2014 edition became Uganda’s most boring and also most useful beauty contest.  The politicians and tycoons we had got accustomed to seeing kiss the cheeks of the beauty contestants did not show up in the usual numbers. 

The girls have been equipped with knowledge more useful than the false glitter that dazzled previous contenders, some of whom ended up as alcoholics or otherwise went downhill a couple of years after their day on the catwalk.

Joachim Buwembo is a Knight International Fellow for development journalism. E-mail: [email protected]