By ELSIE EYAKUZE

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Hey there, fellow human. Are you a little bit plump? I am a little bit plump. Maybe not so little bit anymore. This is by design, because I live in a society that values this.

It took a while to get here, and when my metabolism finally slowed down and allowed me a more generous presence in the world, my social capital also increased. Suddenly, young people started giving me the elder greeting on the street. Shopkeepers fawned harder; waiters were more indulgent. I was invited to sit while waiting at offices. Life was covered in gravy.

Sadly, I had a recent shock at my favourite pharmacy. I weighed myself — something that happens only in medical settings— and found out that I had invested a little too heavily in avoir du poids. My social pounds had me in the red zone of the body-mass index. How infuriating.

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After years of ignoring my knee pain and glossing over how hard it was getting to go up several flights of steps, I am confronted with the need to lose weight and get fit. The only good thing about this is belonging to a cohort of fellow plump Tanzanians who have also realised that glowing fitness is the new potbelly of conspicuous consumption.

I have been reading up on ageing my whole life. It is an obvious topic, isn’t it? We are all ageing actively from the moment of birth and, honestly, I find the obsession with youth just a tad boring. But it turns out that people who are obsessed with youth — yawn — make for excellent researchers into how to age well.

The results are in: Diet and exercise lie at the core of a body that ages strong and healthy. Billions of dollars spent proving what I think we all know commonsensically. Bless.

But to be serious for a second, do you know how much strength it takes to lift an adult human? I found out the hard way during some elder care. It made me consider two things: For how long do I want to be able to do the lifting, and at what age do I want to be the liftee? In other words, what do I want my health-span to be?

A health span is so much more inviting than the notion of a lifespan. When I look at my gene pool, what looks back at me is the potential for diabetes, obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure and stroke, gout — all in individuals who maybe relaxed a little too far into their comforts in their middle years.

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Couple this with an increase in lifespan, thanks to modern medicine, and I could be facing a couple of decades of not-so-great ageing. Not ideal.

Tanzania is doing well economically so we now have lifestyle diseases, and one public health doctor obsessed with getting us to lose weight on Tanzanian Twitter. Luckily it has become cool to lift. I see you, formerly plump fellow East Africans with your glowing fitness and your fondness for marathons.

Rwanda might have started early, but we seem to be catching up. While it will be sad to lose my social capital and all the love that comes with curves, looks like it is time to invest in a healthier future. It is a fine ambition, to live long and prosper.

Elsie Eyakuze is an independent consultant and blogger for The Mikocheni Report; Email [email protected]