By ELSIE EYAKUZE

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After nearly a decade of writing for public consumption, one gets used to feedback. I have benefited from wonderful advice from long-term readers, most of whom I have not met. They check in from time to time to “help” me regulate my compass. Recently, I got an e-mail with the following indictments:

“I have been growing increasingly concerned about your levels of self-censorship... it is much below the standards of a true Tanzanian revolutionary. From your protected perch in The EastAfrican, we are depending on you to be more engaging on behalf of the millions of Tanzanians that do not have any voice at all. The masses of the people do not read The EastAfrican, so your audience is by nature tame and reserved, but they are the movers and shakers in society also. They need to know that someone is there reminding them about the issues that affect the poor and vulnerable in the society, who by the way are the majority.”

Imagine, there are people out there who think that writing is an easy job with little or no accountability. Ha! You would be surprised at how much higher a level of accountability we are held to, and rightly so. But revolutionary? I don’t know, man. People with a saviour complex are scary (every totalitarian has been a “revolutionary’).

Perhaps there are several readers who feel the same way but have been too kind to say anything. Well, here is my answer: My friend is correct. I haven’t visibly been a True Tanzanian Revolutionary since my infamousDear John open letter to President Magufuli and part of it is certainly because of my natural sense of self-preservation. But that is a small part of it. The real reasons are much more mundane and complex at the same time.

The reception that the Dear John letter got gave me a good confirmation of how things are now and how to adjust to a post-Kikwete era. One of my most prized gifts is a framed copy of the open letter I wrote to Jakaya Kikwete, titled “Would the Real Jakaya Kikwete Please Stand Up?”

Those were glory days for the media, and gave me an unrealistic expectation that it would always be this way. Waiter, can I get my Reality Check please?

I made a decision as I was setting my themes for 2019 (yes, I do this. I pick a yearly writing framework) to disengage a little bit and take it easy when possible. Primarily it is for my personal health, news can burn you out.

Ten years ago, I was an adorably naïve and perpetually terrified optimist. Now I am just tired, and sometimes I get quite dangerously so because my government does things that are exhausting.

This means I actively avoid content that has not been filtered through Tanzanian Twitter and purged of propaganda.

Besides, Tanzania will be going into the general election next year and I have been meditating on what to do about that.

Anyone who has meditated knows that it is not the same thing as falling asleep. The energy thus conserved by not focusing on the stresses of daily life means even more time to contemplate. All part of a plan to harvest energy for the coming year.

Elsie Eyakuze is a consultant and blogger for The Mikocheni Report. E-mail: [email protected]