There are many ways to describe Mary Ayor, but today we choose to describe her as defiant, a risk-taker and audacious. Yet, no matter the words we choose, they hardly capture the essence of the woman who now serves as a headwoman in Yei County, South Sudan.
Born and raised in Bahr el Ghazal State, Mary’s life took a dramatic turn at the age of 17 when her parents tried to force her to marry a man she didn’t know. But she refused to accept her fate as dictated by others; she fought back.
“My parents wanted me to get married to a man I didn’t know or love. I had not even started menstruating at the time. When I refused to get married, my brothers beat me and even tied my head with bamboo. I managed to run away from home and went to the man I loved and to whom I got married,” the 44-year-old tells us.
At the time, Mary did not understand that what she had experienced was gender-based violence.
Mary was lucky that she managed to run away from her family. However, not many girls in South Sudan are as lucky. Here, forced and child marriages are a harmful practice that remain prevalent due to pre-existing gender inequality and social and cultural norms.
More than 50 percent of the young women in South Sudan are married off before they reach 18 years. Having lived through it, Mary is now vocal and speaks up against early marriages.
“The man I loved was a soldier and after we got married, he was posted to Yei County. So I left my home in Bahr el Ghazal and moved with him to Yei County.”
Moving to a new place was not without its challenges. Language, she says, was the biggest hurdle for her.
“In Bahr el Ghazal, we spoke Dinka, but here the people in Yei County speak Kakwa language. This was a challenge for me but now 16 years later, I have adopted and I can understand the language.”
Becoming headwoman
South Sudan has a decentralised system of government with power being distributed across the national, state, and local levels. At the top is the president, who is both head of state and government.
The country is divided into 10 states, each led by an appointed governor. Below the states are counties, which are administered by commissioners and further subdivided into payams and bomas, which serve as the smallest administrative units.
Traditional leaders such as headmen and headwomen play a role in the administrative structure.
Mary is the headwoman of Ronyi Boma in Yei County. She was appointed in 2016 following clashes in the country. She remained neutral throughout the clashes.
“I did not want to see any bloodshed. I was involved in ending the fighting between the Dinka and the Kakwa in my community. People saw that I was not tribal. After the clashes, the people elected me as headwoman. Right now, it is only the people who can tell for sure if I am really doing a good job,” the mother of nine says.
The greatest battle that Mary Ayor has been fighting in her community is the issue of early and forced marriages.
Photo credit: Pool
With no formal education, Mary has learnt everything she knows about leadership and gender-based violence through training and workshops.
“I was taken to the cattle camp when I was one year old. I have never attended any school. Cattle camps are large areas where cows are kept. Children are usually taken to live there, where they are fed milk and stay with the cattle. My aunt was willing to take me to school but my mother refused.
“When I got the position of headwoman, I would be invited to workshops organised by the government and non-governmental organisations where I got to learn about domestic violence and its impact. I did not know before that it was a crime that could be punished under the law.
“I also participated in the Women for Women International 2023 training, which helped me develop my leadership skills. I also picked up some soft skills that have helped me improve my people skills and interact well with people.”
Even then, Mary hopes to join adult school soon.
“As a headwoman, I act as a link between the chiefs and the headmen. When there is information, the chiefs inform me and I relay it to the community members. The community members here elected me to work with the children and the women.
“I work with other headmen and women to handle issues of violence in the community. For the minor cases, we always solve them in the community. But for major cases like rape, forced marriages, murder, these ones are not within our docket and we must refer them to the police,” Mary says, explaining her role as a headwoman.
Transparency
Mary says the biggest asset in her leadership is transparency.
“I like to conduct all my affairs transparently and honestly. I do not condone corruption. You find that since we are in a position of power, whenever donors come, they will look for us to help them get the vulnerable people in the community. There have been some chiefs who lie to benefit undeserving people or just their family members,” she says, adding that she has also learnt how to live well with others.
“I am the one handling violence in the community; I have to be calm and composed as it will not do me any good if I am also violent.”
The greatest battle that Mary has been fighting in her community is the issue of early and forced marriages.
She says: “Here, the moment you start menstruating, you are married off. Some girls get married because of the poverty at home. They opt to get married to be taken care of by their husbands. The problem with this is that it only raises the poverty level in South Sudan.
“Most of these women are forced to take responsibility at home especially those whose husbands are sent to work away. Then the children that you get, you are not able to take care of them and they will have to get married early. This only continues the cycle of poverty.”
One of the challenges she faces in combating forced marriage is that sometimes when she reports cases to the police, no action is taken against the perpetrators.
Although her office is recognised, Mary says she does not receive any stipend.
“The chief and the sub-chief are the only people receiving some stipend from the county and they are the only ones who can put on a uniform that identifies them. To sustain myself, I am a farmer and I sell my produce to feed my family. There are also organisations that invite us for workshops and give us some sitting allowances.”
If she had all the power in the world, Mary says that she would end child marriages.
“A girl should be allowed to reach the age of 20 before she gets married. By then she will be mature enough to make her own decision.”
“Many women are forced into early marriages and many girls end up suffering a lot. I am working very hard to empower my daughters so that they do not fall victim to early marriages,” she says. Mary has three daughters.
