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Unlearn that hate, undo all the hurt that you have caused

Wednesday February 20 2019
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As Nelson Mandela said, if hate can be learnt, it can be unlearnt. Therefore, if stereotypes can be learnt, they can be unlearned. FOTOSEARCH

By ALICE WAIRIMU NDERITU

It was one of those pre-election, “we must prevent ethnic violence from happening” workshops.

The facilitator made an introductory presentation, which she said, in what some would call NGOspeak, “problematised and identified systemic gaps that could lead to violent actions” as she flipped through breathtaking PowerPoint slides so well done that they seemed like a walk through an art gallery rather than a presentation.

The Sri Lankans told us the story of the escalating cycles of ethnic violence and reprisals between the Sinhalese Buddhists and the Tamils – generally Hindu or Christian – that had been going on since country got Independence from Great Britain in 1948.

The devastation wreaked by the Boxing Day December 2004 tsunami on all the warring parties – without discrimination – was the worst of the disasters that have befallen Sri Lanka. We analysed how Sri Lankans have since conducted transformative ethnic dialogues to increase mutual understanding between identity groups.

The Bosnians spoke of an ethnically mixed, well-functioning country caught up after the breakup of former Yugoslavia in a ferocious ethnic war that pitted Croats, Serbs and Muslims (now called Bosniaks) against each other.

They gave harrowing testimonies of neighbours and families, especially those married across ethnic lines, turning against each other. Photos walked us through before-and-after images of demolished mosques, schools and hospitals.

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The day moved quickly, with the accomplished facilitator seamlessly tying in “action points” that would inform the “strategic election-conflict prevention implementation framework.”

When the workshop ended, the facilitator introduced her three children who had came to pick her up.

“This is my eldest”, she said “he and his father are the [name of ethnic community] in our family. Nobody eats more than they do.” Hugging her other child affectionately, she said, “this one is lazy like a [name of ethnic community] but he is a contradiction because he loves books like a [name of ethnic community]. Then to the third one, “This one really loves money, he can sell anything. We all know which ethnic group he represents, don’t we?” she said, with a conspiratorial wink. “We have only been here for five years and these children have blended in”! She laughed. We fidgeted nervously.

We left the workshop aware that something bad had happened.

What had gone wrong became the focus of many debates at the office water dispenser. Why had no one among us challenged her stereotypes that clearly showed lack of respect for difference? Were we too shocked because she was the “expert” and knew the role stereotypes had played in the ethnic violence we had discussed all day yet used them?

By not speaking up, were we not all complicit? We must do something, we said, but what? One of my colleagues discerningly asked us to “spare a moment and imagine what those stereotyped children will become as adults.”

We obsessed about the topic, establishing that research proves stereotypes; intolerance and prejudice are learnt early in life, under the influence of, especially, family and friends.

These provide impactful lessons of fear of difference and the refusal to respect “those not like us.” If a child hears a parent use stereotypes as our discerning colleague had feared, the lesson sticks.

The lessons are reinforced as the child encounters institutions such as schools, and media that use the same or worse stereotypes.

The child grows into adulthood, internalises the stereotypes, seeing those who are different as the “other,” consciously separating from them. He or she begins to participate in dominant beliefs that portray pluralism as abnormal. They pass out misinformation based on lies and are willing to commit acts of violence on the people they stereotype just because they are different.

All this however, can change at any stage of life though the introduction of new ideas and perspectives. As Nelson Mandela said, if hate can be learnt, it can be unlearnt. Therefore, if stereotypes can be learnt, they can be unlearned. Ironically, we had discussed how to change discriminatory behaviour at the workshop.

The conclusion we arrived at was that the correct way to respond to a person using stereotypes is simply to say, “What you have just said is racist/ethnicist.” Even if they are not remorseful, or become angry, the point will have been made.

Wairimu Nderitu is the author of Beyond Ethnicism: Exploring Ethnic and Racial Diversity for Educators, and Kenya: Bridging Ethnic Divides. [email protected]

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