By ELSIE EYAKUZE

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If I were a betting woman, and I am, my money would have been on a protracted and messy illness followed by a death that wouldn’t be announced for weeks so that the nation could be prepared to mourn and the remains of the deceased could be embalmed somewhere in Asia.

Instead, Robert Mugabe, once self-proclaimed ruler of Zimbabwe for life, has been ceremoniously deposed.

The long and tense time that it took to topple the father of the nation from his 37-year old perch was appropriate, all things considered.

A reign as colourful as his deserved an epic ending full of tension and drama. It got one. There was tension! There was drama! But as much of the world has remarked, if this was a coup it was certainly the most genteel one we have witnessed so far this century.

By the way, was it a coup or not? That’s another confusing innovation that Zimbabwe has gifted us.

Against all our deeply entrenched traditions, expectations even of violence, Mugabe’s exit was peaceful. For all his vigour and carefully managed health, Zimbabweans were clearly not willing to hunt an aged lion in a barrel. He gets a state-funded retirement and a legacy after all.

I tip my hat to Zimbabwe for the sheer style and humane-ness in which they conducted their matters these past few days and wish them the very best for the future. It’s been a while, the country could probably do with a streak of good luck.

What I really want to talk about, though, is the casting of Madam Grace Mugabe as the grand villainess of the piece. I know, I know, Uncle Bob had 37 years in the spotlight, but right now she is bringing up a far more interesting debate about misogyny in our societies.

The “Old Dude Who Stayed In Power Too Long” story has been done to death everywhere while I suspect that “Evil Temptress Ambitious (expletive deleted)” still has some room for exploration. Far too often in regimes we forget to look too closely at the Lady Who Shares the Pillow.

Please understand one thing: I love me a good bad woman, always have, always will. Lady MacBeth, Delilah, Cleopatra, Cone-bra Madonna –all fascinating. By her track record, there is no doubt that Grace Mugabe is a very naughty lady but up until her greedy grab for office it was all so very banal.

Marry an old rich dude who is guaranteed to kick the bucket long before you and leave you a merry widow? Pshaw, second-oldest trick in the book. Use powerful husband as a conduit for own ambitions? You’d be stupid not to do so if you married him for, well, money and power.

Get rid of all his friends and allies when he’s too old to stop you? Errr... that’s where mistakes can be made. As Grace found out. I was actually quite disappointed in her lack of cunning as she manoeuvred herself to grasp at the presidency – not that I expected she would get anywhere near it.

Have you met Zimbabwe, Grace? It’s, like, chauvinism plus plus up there. Years at State House must have warped her perceptions as much as they did Uncle Bob’s. And that’s what made her madness quite brilliant: if she had pulled it off, it would have been a piece of awe-inspiring gender inversion. Like whoa.

Of course, I am glad she didn’t get anywhere. The Mugabe family has done quite enough to the people of Zimbabwe and I do remain a republican at heart. This contrariness is all in aid of opening up a discussion on the corridors of power and the women who try to walk them.

Far too much woman-hating has come out of Grace’s role in the demise of Uncle Bob, enough that I had to remind folk: Kwani these despots have ever ruled by themselves?

Take a moment to think of your mothers, sisters, wives and girlfriends, your casual squeezes and secretaries and friends. No, seriously, think about women: Neither Madonnas nor saints, some of us crave power and some of us do something about it.

I used Grace in this instance because sister-girl made herself handy, but history is littered with our ilk. If you have been predictably and chauvinistically offended that the wives of despots are despots themselves, please desist. You are surrounded. Who said gender equality was always kind? Not I.

Elsie Eyakuze is an independent consultant and blogger for The Mikocheni Report. E-mail: [email protected]