As she packed her bag the previous night, she had known that society could judge her.

It had been her second attempt. But for how long would she rely on people to get value out of her life? She wasn’t sure about a third attempt but she was sure that the meeting would not make her change her mind.

***
The bus had stopped abruptly, interrupting Saji’s train of thought. He had not seen her ever since their last fight.

So whom was she going to blame this time? Her accusations against him were baseless. Just misdirected imagination.

Maybe it was wishful thinking on his part, that’s what he wanted her to think. But then again, he had apologised.

Fragmented pieces of information was all he had on his mind.

Nothing was adding up as much as he tried to understand his wife and his mother. Saji decided to blame it on her, at least to lessen the pain.

He had made mistakes that, if his father, a retired soldier, got to hear of, he would not hesitate to pounce on him like an infuriated lion.

Saji vowed he would speak first. At least if the two women would let him.

“Who is she?” his father and mother had asked the moment Saji had entered his parent’s house on the day that he took her home for the first time.

‘‘What kind of a person is she?” they persisted.

This decade old scenario replayed in his mind.

The joy that Marie had brought to his home had now turned into hatred and blame games for no reason at all.

Just a smile and his arm firmly held across her shoulders had answered his parents’ first question.

He was ready to answer their second question that day. This would soothe her heart and maybe let her stay.

“This is going to be your last attempt, mother!” He shouted as he shrugged his shoulders.

‘‘What did you say?’’ she retorted.

“Nothing, mother,” he had said, a scornful smile on his lips. Was he failing again? No he wasn’t apologetic after all. He had to do it no matter what. This childlike dependence on her would have to come to a stop.

Saji had finally entered the house after a long persuasion. He was disappointed.

He ought to have set boundaries but he could not. Not because he lacked the guts to do it but because he was under the influence of a spell.

He could not even look at his mother and especially Marie, as he entered the house.

The past fortnight had been hell for him. A quick glance at Marie made him relax just a bit. The strife he had created had taken a toll on his household.

This was his only chance to set things straight. His mouth had a bitter taste and his throat was parched.

But his thoughts were still intact. The timing was right. His only fear was that his mother suffered high blood pressure and his father would never forgive him if anything was to happen to her.

No love

His father had always locked him out emotionally.

At no point had he sat him down and talked to him man to man and explained how he had managed to live under the same roof with his mother for this long.

Knowing what he knew about his mother, Saji thought his father deserved a medal.

Maybe had his father let him in on the secrets of living harmoniously with a spouse, it would have his relationship with Marie much easier to handle.

He had beseeched her to stay. He wasn’t the only problem they had but Marie refused to listen to him.

She had stomached enough in this relationship with his mother in the middle of it, and he had chosen to side with and please her.

So why was he changing his mind when the damage has already been done?

Why didn’t he act all these times she been recounting to him the quarrels his mother had been having with her because of her career?

They knew she had no control over what demands her work would make on but still accused her of not trying hard enough to be less involved at work.

How was that even possible? Her busy schedule at work always landed her in trouble with his mother.

‘‘You are late again?” That had been the standard greeting. If it wasn’t that, it was something to do with her dress. Nothing pleased Mama Nelima.

She was even blamed for having children. When Saji met her she already had two children from a previous relationship.

The children were always a source of blame from her mother-in-law.

Saji was the saint, the perfect one. At least in his mother’s eyes. This hurt Marie more than anything else.

How could her mother-in-law say it to her face, right in front of her children and smiling. How strange she had thought then.

The last thing he had ever wanted was a case involving them before his parents.

He had attempted at some point to hit her, but the children crying on the floor clutching onto their mother’s legs stopped him.

‘‘I wish I could slap you.” The unspoken words were written all over his face. He had never imagined such a day would come to pass in his life.

Thanks to John. No thanks to his weak character. No, thanks to his mother’s pressure to take in another wife.

John had warned him not to heed his mother’s council but he had turned a deaf ear.

His mother always made the situation worse by heightening the tension between him and Marie with never ending complaints.

This time, he would counterattack to make her the guilty one.

“Mom, what’s your issue with my wife and children?” he had boldly asked.

“Is that what brought you here?” his mother asked, laughing out loud.

“When did they become your children,” she said, letting go of young Jenny who had been sitting on her lap. She was just a child.

Innocently growing up oblivious of the situation. Stacey, the eldest, was almost 10 years old and understood what was going on.

She always used the avoidance technique to keep out the family quarrels.

“Shut up woman!” his father interjected. Stop being so insensitive, will you?”

“I am never going to listen to you ever again!” Saji shouted at his mother. He wanted to tell her how he had visited several doctors who had reassured him that he could never have children.

It was his fault and there no way he would let Marie carry the blame. But he could not.

His mother would be devastated. She had always dreamt of having a big family after her own medical mishap that meant she could not have more children after Saji.

He had grown up as an only son. She was proud of him but as fate would have it, he could not deliver her wish of having grandchildren and therefore a big family.

But why did she hate his children so much? Saji considered them his children by virtue of being husband to their mother.

Marie’s previous relationship had ended following physical abuse. The children were always traumatised.

Saji had never thought of causing Marie such pain. But he had done worse by bringing another woman into their relationship and Marie had had enough.

It was too late now. She would save her stars — the girls.