By JENERALI ULIMWENGU

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It’s not a good idea to call your boss a moron, especially if he acts like one, as former US Secretary of State Rex Tillerson found out last week. Of course there are ways you could say things like that without being overheard, but, in the world of “nano” gadgets, even the walls have ears.

One may wonder why Rex did not do the done thing and resign once the “m” word got to President Donald Trump. There was no way Trump would have overlooked such a remark, especially because he must always be thinking that sophisticated people say such nasty things about him behind his back.

Rex should have thrown in the towel once the president started talking about having an IQ test between the two. But then, it could be proof of his low opinion of his chief that he thought that he would somehow still keep his job.

Were he an African minister, Tillerson would have been in jail since the day his indiscretion was revealed; he might even have been “disappeared.”

Not that African ministers never think their presidents are morons, idiots, tyrants, and thieves; they think it all the time, but they say it in utmost secrecy. Like, when you are all alone in your bedroom, you lock the door and the windows, switch off the light, get into bed, cover yourself with a heavy blanket, close your eyes, and then whisper under your breath: My president is a moron and a thief.

Somehow, even with all those precautions, your evil mind gets communicated to the big man, and you are fired, and then sent to prison, for disloyalty.

Loyalty to the person who appointed you, Africans know, is more important than being true to principles, simply because no one has ever eaten principles, but being minister brings in a lot of ugali for the family.

Self-made millionaire

So you would ask, does Tillerson need ugali from Trump? No, that is quite another situation. This man has made his millions in the corporate jungle, and he has enough dough to make a baker envious.

But serving as America’s Number Two, and getting the opportunity to travel the world lecturing frightened little tyrants wherever he goes, that is something money cannot buy. It confers status, prestige, aura and, perchance, legacy. Think Henry Kissinger. That is why there are many Americans who would gladly do that job without receiving a dollar.

For the Africans, well, there is the prestige thing too, but the ugali bit is more important. There is simply no African minister who serves because of principle, a construct they can hardly tell from Adam.

All of them do what they are told to do and say what they are told to say by the boss, without ever questioning the propriety and sagacity of the boss’s thinking.

They know that the slightest suspicion of disloyalty or insubordination will send them back to what they were doing before coming to government.

So, do you wonder why people who call themselves “professor” do and say the most asinine things when they are in government?

I used to think, naïvely, that those appointed to be ministers get to be picked because of their track record, what they have been doing that has impressed the appointing authority, and who are required to complete that said appointing authority by bringing their experience, intelligence and insights — which the boss may lack — to the table.

I was wrong. The moment they are appointed and given this or that docket, they dump their knowledge, thinking and wisdom at the entrance to the Cabinet room and step inside to listen to the exceptional wisdom, thinking and knowledge of the boss, which they will come out to preach to the masses who, not knowing too much, will habitually applaud.

They may know the boss is a moron, but they will not risk doing a Tillerson, because the ugali is too good. Even with their closest colleagues and friends they will not bare their thoughts.

But if you are lucky enough to come across a sacked minister who used to be the boss’s unquestioning loudspeaker, then you will discover that they are more critical of him than even you who were always on the outside. But they will be critical only after the ugali has been lost.

Such is the African minister, miserable soul.

Jenerali Ulimwengu is chairman of the board of the Raia Mwema newspaper and an advocate of the High Court in Dar es Salaam. E-mail: [email protected]