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Walking the path

Thursday July 24 2014
story

She promised herself silently that from then on she would leave the snooping through mobile phones to younger and less experienced women. TEA graphic.

Gordon’s mobile phone vibrated on the bedside table. Fiona glanced at it and continued straightening the lavender bedcover of their bed. She ran her hands over the smooth silk fabric, refusing to give in to the suspicious that were disturbing her.

She looked at the phone again and then shifted her gaze to the bathroom door where Gordon was taking a shower. Her generous mouth creased into a smile at Gordon’s tuneless singing. Then her expression turned sombre again. Should she do it, or would it open a can of worms?

Fiona knew that she did not have much time. Gordon never lingered in the shower like she did, feeling every drop of hot water bounce off her skin.

Gordon was a creature of habit. They both were. Perhaps she was overreacting, Fiona wondered, her brows creased in concentration. For the past month or so, Gordon, who would sleep soundly every night from 10pm to 5am, had been waking up at night to prowl the house like a sleepwalker.

On questioning him, he said that work was worrying him. He had a particularly difficult case that was stretching his legal mind and taking much of his time. Fiona had her doubts. After all, he had been a judge for over 25 years, surely, why now? Never in those 25 years had anything came between him and his sleep.

His face had changed. He walked around with worry lines and bags under his eyes. But the most damning evidence of his new disturbing behaviour was his mobile phone. He was constantly checking his phone or going outside to talk.

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Fiona was worried. And with that she walked purposefully around the bed to where the phone was and picked it up.

She felt foolish, a 60-year-old woman going through her 65-year-old husband’s phone. This was the behaviour of young, inexperienced women, Fiona thought, all the while navigating to the messages. Before opening the inbox she went through a moment of doubt.

Where was her trust? Heart beating hard, she thought of their daughter pregnant with their first grandchild and she knew she had to find out what was going on.

Fiona started scrolling down to an unfamiliar name. Julie. She started to read the messages and her legs almost gave way. They had turned to jelly. She sat on the bed, her breath coming in quick gasps. She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue.

“I can’t wait for tomorrow, I am so excited to see you.” One message read, and the next, “I have needed you for so long. I really need you; right now, you are the most important person in my life.”

The phone dropped and she hurried to pick it up with sweaty and trembling hands. The shower stopped running but she knew she had to find out where they were meeting. She had to see for herself. “The Crossed Stars Restaurant’. A sharp pain coursed through her body. The same restaurant they usually went for the occasional dinner out.

She returned the phone to where it had been and fled the room, tears flowing down her cheeks.

What was she to do? How would she start her life all over again at 60? She looked at her home and felt wretched at the thought of leaving it.

Then Fiona got a grip of her emotions. If it came to that, she would do it. She had vowed that one thing she would never do was to live a lie. If Gordon was not happy with her, then she would move on, make some kind of life for herself.

The following day, she was at the Crossed Stars early. She chose a table for two at a discreet corner near the bathrooms where not many people would choose to sit. A huge flower pot obscured the view so that other diners could not see her.

She ordered a glass of juice and sat down to wait. The smells of garlic and frying onions coming from the kitchen made her stomach growl from hunger but she knew she would throw up if she ate.

Until then, Fiona had not truly believed that Gordon would show up. But there he was in an immaculate grey suit, white shirt and navy blue tie. He was a handsome man; she could see why any woman would fancy him. He looked 10 years younger than his age. He sat down and immediately started twisting his wrist-watch, a gesture she knew meant that he was nervous.

Fiona hardly breathed just sat there looking at him shell shocked. After five minutes or so, a woman, definitely young, maybe half his age approached the table. Gordon stood up and bent to kiss her cheek.

The woman, Julie, threw her arms round him. Fiona almost gave herself away with a scream that erupted from her throat unchecked. She covered her mouth with her hand, stifling the scream.

They spoke with their heads close together. Fiona watched until she could take it no more. She put money on the table not even checking how much it was and left. She needed no further evidence. Her marriage was over.

She spent the rest of the afternoon going over her and Gordon’s lives. They had been happy, or so she thought. She racked her brains for what would make a man throw away a 40-year marriage. True, she wasn’t the girl she was 40 years ago, but who is?

By evening her eyes were swollen and her head hurt. Gordon came in earlier than usual.

“We need to talk.” He said when he found her in the kitchen.

“Yes.” Fiona whispered.

They sat opposite each other in the living room, like strangers already. Fiona almost felt sorry for Gordon. He looked so tired and almost scared. Then she remembered it was he who had ruined their marriage. She almost blurted out that she knew. But why make it easy for him?

“There’s something I need to tell you?” Gordon said.

“Don’t tell me.” Fiona cried out. “I don’t need to know. Let’s just go on as we are.” She felt a wave of shame at her lack of courage, but she had loved him most of her life.

“I have to tell you. It’s important.” Gordon said, misery emanating from his voice. “A month ago, this girl contacted me.” Fiona kept her eyes on her maroon carpet.

“She said that she’s my daughter.” Gordon took a sharp intake of breath and Fiona looked up, hope flooding her heart.

“Her mother died a couple of months back and she felt she needed to make contact with me. I’ve since established that she really is my daughter.”

Gordon stood and went to kneel in front of Fiona. “I swear I didn’t know. Her mother and I were together for a year and then she just disappeared. Apparently she was pregnant and I had hinted that I wasn’t ready to marry anybody. I was an intern, working long hours.” Gordon said.

Fiona wept with relief and gratitude. She held his face between her hands.

“We must welcome her into the family.” Fiona said.

She promised herself silently from then on to walk the path of trust. She would leave the snooping through mobile phones to younger and less experienced women.

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