Maria looked out of the window of her corner office on the third floor of Waterbuck Plaza. The feathery clouds looked like a person lying on the beach on a sunny day.

The lawns on the grounds had been trimmed with surgical precision by Washie the groundsman. A yellow-headed warbler was chirping noisily.

As the secretary of the board at Kingspride Motors, the largest importer of motor vehicles in the country, Maria had earned her space beyond the glass ceiling. It came with a full diary.

There was a charity dinner to raise funds for construction of a new library at Kiwande Primary School. There was a meeting with the Women on Boards caucus to plan the activities for the year. There were children to be put to bed and a nanny to be instructed. The hot cup of coffee was steaming alongside her baked sweet potato.

Mwendi was her longest serving assistant. She had worked there for six months. The seven assistants before her did not last more than a few weeks. There were “incompetent dimwits who should never have been let out of kindergarten.”

Maria was known for putting people in their place so most people in the office avoided her unless they had to work directly with her. As soon as she opened the office door, even the flies would scamper for safety lest they get thrown out for having an “average” life.

In the boardroom, Maria spoke firmly, presenting facts. She hated being interrupted and had no patience for board members who had not thoroughly read the company’s reports that were sent to them in advance. She was the brains behind the past two successful mergers with Tyslet Motors and Ignition Inc, which had doubled their revenue and fortified their position as market leaders.

Today, she was meeting a group of investors from China who wanted a stake in the company. She had five minutes to herself before the meeting. In her dark blue skirt suit, she looked like she was ready to take on the investors. But inside, she was crumbling.

“It ends today,” she said to herself. Maria would indulge in alcohol binges well into the night. Every night, after she had read a bedtime story to her son Taji and daughter Sidi, and prayed with them, she would lock herself in her study and pour herself a drink.

What had begun as a way of coping with the demands of success had become a habit she could not control. She had graduated from taking one glass a night to drowning a bottle of Cognac in just two hours.

Last night, she had blacked out in the study only to be woken up by a breeze blowing through her silky gown. She jolted to her feet like a woman possessed and looked at the large mahogany clock that hung in the study. It was half past three in the morning, the hour of the witches as her mother used to say.

A sharp pain shot through her head. She staggered to the toilet and forced herself to vomit. She took a cold shower after that and dressed for work. By six o’clock she was at the office, looking pristine and prepared for the day. After dropping her off, Ndathi, her driver, drove back home to take the children to school.

“I am in control,” she whispered to herself as she straightened her jacket.

Mwendi ushered the Chinese investors into her office. The team comprised three men and a lady. Maria rose from her seat to welcome them. The meeting, like many others before, went on smoothly. They scheduled another meeting in a fortnight’s time to iron out the final details before signing a partnership deal.

“I am winning!” she exclaimed to herself. A piercing headache cut her celebration short. She rummaged through her top drawer in search of painkillers and realised that she had run out. Tucked in a corner of one of her other drawers was a small bottle filled with vodka. She opened it and took a swig. The headache dissipated as the vodka coursed through her system. Her mind cleared.

A soft knock at her door interrupted her. She cleared her throat and nervously straightened her jacket.

“What am I doing?” she muttered to herself. She fidgeted in her seat before she let out a muffled “come in.” She popped a mint into her mouth as her door opened. Her protégé Jenny walked in for their weekly meeting.

Maria welcomed her as she struggled to remember why Jenny was here. The 25-year-old management trainee had recently joined Kingspride Motors, and shown all the traits of a leader. She was driven, determined and could work continuously for an entire day and night. Maria poured a cup of coffee for her as she struggled to initiate the conversation. Jenny broke the silence.

“Umm… how are you?” asked Jenny as she sipped her coffee.

“I’m…umm…well. How about you? How is the job treating you?” replied Maria.

“I’m doing well, though I need to talk to you about something. I’m really stressed and nervous. I can’t keep up with the pressure. How do you handle all the demands?” Jenny asked, leaning in.

Maria wanted to tell her that there was nothing that could not be solved by a glass of vodka or cognac. She wanted to tell her that stress was the price she had to pay for her ambition. She wanted to tell her that coping is a myth. Everyone falls apart sooner or later. She stopped her train of thoughts when she realised that the silence was extended.

“Take it easy, Jenny,” said Maria. How she longed for those words to ring true for her. For the past 10 years, she had never been away from work for more than a week. She never went on leave because she believed that if she stopped working, she would be replaced.

When Taji was born, she set up an office in her room the day after she came home. She hired two nannies and a housekeeper to take care of her son while she attended to work matters. After the birth of Sidi, she had to rest for six weeks since she had had surgery. As soon as the rest period elapsed, she went straight back to work.

Once again, the nannies took care of her baby. When she went back to work, the merger with Tyslet had stalled so she had to take charge. She worked hard to see it through. The drinking started shortly after with a glass of wine before bed, which gradually became two, then three.

Jenny stood up to leave, having noticed that Maria was unusually quiet. Maria was glad to have some time to herself. She still had two more meetings and some paperwork to complete. She barely spoke during the next meeting. Her mind kept wandering back to her conversation with Jenny.

“What if I could do it all again?” she thought, staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She looked past her perfectly coiffed hair and flawless makeup and saw a scared, tired and shaken woman staring back at her.

She burst into tears for the first time in a really long while. As she walked out of the bathroom, she had resolved to stop before it was too late. She did not go to the next meeting. She picked up her handbag, walked out of the office and hailed a taxi. Her new life had just started.

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