Zuma, the world’s most consenting adult...

But when he lit his cigarette it exploded, knocking six teeth right out of his mouth and scaring the living daylights out of him.

While saying they did not know what caused the explosion, the makers of the cigarette brand Mr Susanto was smoking, PT Nojorono Tobacco readily accepted liability, agreeing to pay him 5m rupiah ($535) compensation as well as meet his medical costs. Mr Susanto says that he is now so scared of lighting up that he will give up smoking.

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Who wants yesterday’s Blackberries?

Uganda’s government last week gave a two-week ultimatum to all officials who had been given Blackberry mobile phones during preparations for the Commonwealth meeting two years ago to return them following revelations that only 56 out of 300 handsets had been returned.

Those who failed to return the ageing phones, Parliament’s Public Accounts Committee chairman Nandala Mafabi said, will be deemed to have stolen government property.

Coincidentally, the order was given on the same day that the PAC discovered that Ush159 million ($79,900) meant to upgrade Mulago Hospital in the run-up to the conference had somehow disappeared into thin air!